| | 17 letters relate to attitude - father... | Excerpt length: shorter longer | |
| Letter from Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh
(c. 21 December 1881)
... secrets to
those with whom I am in sympathy. But Father is not someone for
whom I can feel what I feel for, say, you or Mauve. I really do
love Father and Mother, but it is quite a different feeling
from the one I have for you or M. Father can't feel for or
sympathize with me, and I can't settle into Father's and
Mother's system, it is too stifling and would suffocate me.
Whenever I tell Father anything, it goes in one ear and out
the other, and that certainly applies no less to Mother, and
similarly I find Father and Mother's sermons and ideas about
God, people, morality and virtue a lot of stuff and nonsense. I
too read the Bible occasionally, just as I sometimes read
Michelet or Balzac or Eliot, but I see quite different things
in the Bible from what Father does, and what Father in his
little academic way gleans from it I cannot find in it at
all.
Now that the Rev. Mr. ten Kate has translated Goethe's
Faust, Father and Mother have read it, for since a clergyman
has... | Letter from Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh
(29 December 1881)
... say? It has happened sooner than I expected. As to the relation
between Father and me, that will not be redressed so very
easily. The difference in our views and opinions is too great.
It will be a hard pull for me; the tide rises high, almost to
the lips, and perhaps higher still - how can I know? But I will
fight my battle, and sell my life dearly, and try to win and
get the best of it.
January 1 I shall move into the new studio. I will take the
simplest furniture, a wooden table and a few chairs. I would be
satisfied with a blanket on the floor instead of a bed. But
Mauve wants me to get a bed, and will lend me the money if
necessary.
As you can imagine, I have a great many cares and worries.
But still it gives me a feeling of satisfaction to have gone
so far that I cannot go back again; and though the path
may be difficult, I now see it clearly before me.
Of course I must ask you, Theo, if you will occasionally
send me what you can spare without inconveniencing... | Letter from Vincent van Gogh to Anthon van Rappard
(30 December 1881)
... fixed address; you will get it later on.
I left Etten because I had too much botheration with my
father about all kinds of things that really are not worth
while talking about - about going to church and such things,
which, even though I was working hard and much, got me into a
mood of boredom and chilliness that was all wrong. Therefore I
have settled down here, and I am glad I am in different
surroundings. Of course, now I have rather a lot of financial
worries, but after all it is better than those everlasting
bickerings and squabbles.
1. A kind of very strong, twice-fermented, rather
sour-tasting beer, a specialty of Flanders.
... | Letter from Theo van Gogh/Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh
(5-8 January 1882)
... does not give way before his anger.
Father is extremely touchy and irritable and obstinate in
domestic affairs and is used to having his way. And the heading
`the rules and regulations of this house', with which I am
obliged to comply, includes literally anything that comes into
Father's head.
It's easy enough to fight with an old man, etc. Because
Father is an old man, I have spared his feelings a hundred
times and tolerated things that are little short of
intolerable. Anyway, there wasn't any fighting this time
either, but just an “enough!” And because he
wouldn't listen to reason and common sense, I spoke
straight out and it can only be to the good that for once
Father should have heard a few home truths expressed that
others too think now and then.
That it will not be remedied in a hurry. For the sake of
appearances I have put matters straight by writing to
Father again and... | Letter from Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh
(25 February 1882)
... her during the days
of your visit.
You write about Father's birthday. I must tell you that I am
so glad to be free of it all, it gives me such a feeling of
tranquillity, something I need so much for my work. My head
cannot hold more than it does, and I dread beginning a new
correspondence so much that for the present I am leaving things
as they are. When I think of Etten it gives me the shudders, as
if I were in church. Well, qu'y faire, and once more qu'y
faire?
By the way, you must not take it amiss, Theo, or think I'm
finding fault with you, but you wrote me something which you
thought would perhaps please me, but it didn't please me at
all. You said that small watercolour was the best of mine that
you had seen - well, it isn't, because those studies of mine
which you have are much better, and last summer's pen drawings
are better too. That little drawing is of no importance
whatever, I only sent it to show you that it is not impossible
that I may work in watercolour... |
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