| 20 letters relate to food-and-drink - malnutrition... | Excerpt length: shorter longer | |
| Letter from Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh (22 July 1883) ... must
not only manage to live ten days on it, but I have so many
things to pay for at once that from the start those ten days
which are ahead are bound to mean starvation. And the woman has
to nurse the baby, and the baby is strong and growing, and it
often happens that she has no milk for it.
And it happens to me, too: when I am sitting in the dunes or
somewhere else, I have a faint feeling in my stomach because
there isn't enough to eat.
The whole family's shoes are patched and worn out, and there
are many more of such small miseries which put furrows in one's
face.
Well, I should not care, Theo, if I could only stick to the
thought, It will come out right, we must go on. But now your
saying, “I can give you little hope for the
future,” is like “the hair that finally breaks the
camel's back” to me. The burden is sometimes so heavy
that one extra hair is enough to make the animal sink to the
ground.
Now what am I to do?... | Letter from Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh (23 July 1883) ... and then, as soon as I receive the usual amount, I have to
pay out so much that little is left for the ten days ahead, on
the last of which one walks around with a very weak, faint
feeling in one's stomach, and then such a path through the
dunes gets the aspect of a desert.
And one feels oneself sinking, and one cannot get or pay for
the necessary things. And then the inner struggle - shall I be
able to go on and continue going along this road? What can I do
about it?
At all events write soon whether you have found something in
the photographs. You don't see anything absurd in them, such as
one might infer from Tersteeg's remark that he “would
rather have nothing to do with it,” do you? After all, I
am too calm and collected for that.
Adieu, a firm handshake in thought,
Yours, Vincent
... | Letter from Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh (24 or 25 July 1883) ... it will be high time to use it.
For my strength is
failing, it is abnormal for me to get
tired when I've walked a short distance - e.g. from here to the
post office - but that is actually the case. Oh, I don't give
in of course, but I must try to remedy it. Still, my health is
not thoroughly or chronically upset; it has not been caused by
excesses, but by too long a period with insufficient and
unsubstantial food.
Now, what is most pressing this year is the painting. I
remind you once more of what I already wrote last year, which
has slipped your mind, I think: here I have to pay the regular
retail price for colours.
Wouldn't it be possible for you to get me colours from
Paillard or someone, in a certain quantity at the wholesale
price from the manufacturer himself? -Undoubtedly that would be
a step toward the possibility of the colours not being lacking.
And I should be very glad if we could arrange it so that you
deducted 10 francs from your remittance... | Letter from Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh (27 July 1883) ... think
it's a question of a few days.
In a few days, when I shall have had some more nourishing
food than recently, I think I shall get rid of my worst
depression; but it is more deeply rooted than that, and I
wish I could get to the point where I had plenty of health and
strength, which is after all not impossible when one is
out-of-doors a great deal and has a task one loves.
For it is a fact that now all my work is too meager and
too dry.
Recently this has become as clear as daylight to me, and I
haven't the slightest doubt that a general thorough change is
necessary. I intend to talk over with you, after you have
seen this year's work, whether you agree with me about some
measures; and if you agree with me, I think we shall succeed in
overcoming the difficulties. We must not hesitate, but
“avoir la foi de charbonnier.”
I hope they will change the banknote. I'm so glad you have
managed to send something, for I think... | Letter from Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh (c. 2 August 1883) ... too. Well, it's nothing but weakness. I have
repeatedly put off taking more nourishing food because there
were other things more pressing, but it has lasted a little too
long.
But you will understand that the work is rather important,
and I could not drop it now for the very reason that so much of
it is already done. When you come, you will see for yourself
that it is necessary to go on steadily. You are right in saying
that what I wrote you about the finances weighs on your mind,
but on the other hand, we cannot now be far from the moment
when I shall make something that is saleable, even if it be for
a small price.
The work becomes more and more clear to me.
And when I think it over, it is only a question of hurrying
or slackening speed, and we shall make up for it later, even
for the past; but after all it is a damn thorny, difficult and
hard time we are going through now.
If it were possible for me to get enough money to have
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